I love it when a plan comes together!
And no, I was never a fan of “The A-Team” in the 80’s, though I *did* play their theme song in marching and pep band in high school. But I digress.
I am preparing to return to Gulu, Uganda, in August for 2 weeks. And though I know God has called me to go, I am truly struggling with why. What is His purpose for me in going? What is His plan for me in regard to Village of Hope? How do I fit in to what He is doing in Africa? I have wrestled with these questions since my return last November…and I still don’t have the answers. I’ve seen firsthand how God has transformed the lives of my friends and teammates following our last trip:
my friend Shanna, who has become a dynamic force stateside for fundraising efforts to benefit Village of Hope.
my friend Jennifer and her husband Robert, who God is using to raise awareness through their video production business, and who are the new PR arm of Village of Hope.
my friend Wendy, who -though she traveled to Honduras and not Uganda – is developing a “Coupons for a Cause” program to raise money AND purchase needed supplies for orphans and widows along Honduras’ Mosquito Coast.
my friend Chris, who has already been back to Uganda since our November trip and will be returning with us in August, in order to help organize and establish the medical clinic on the land and train the professionals who will be running it.
The list could go on and on.
And while I’m thrilled for my friends, and excited about what God is doing, and challenged by how God is using them to further His purpose, I admit I’m a little jealous. Not for notoriety or accolades. Not for people to pat me on the back or tell me what an inspiration or encouragement I am. No, I’m jealous because I want to matter. I want to make a difference. I want God to use ME, too.
In November, I had no idea what to expect. I went with a completely open mind, ready to experience all that Africa had to offer. I was going to soak it all in: the sights, the smells, the sounds, and really LIVE it. It was an adventure, and I was along for the ride.
But this time, my attitude is a little different. I already have an idea of what to expect. I’ve experienced the “vibrant” city of Gulu. I’ve seen the land – or at least what it looked like seven months ago. I’ve sat under the stars gazing up at the vast African sky, slept in a mud hut, and survived using a squatty potty. I’ve eaten goat meat, VERY lean chickens fresh from the kill, and tried posho. Despite the cultural inconveniences, it’s a huge sacrifice for my family to make for me to return. I’m giving up two weeks of my summer with my children, right before school starts. I’m asking my husband to be a single, working parent. I’m placing a financial burden on our budget during one of the leanest months of the year for us. I’m absolutely convinced this is the right thing to do…but I’ve wondered WHY? Over the past seven months I have begged God to reveal His plan to me. To show me how I fit in. To give me a place to serve while I am there.
I thought it might be in leading worship, but the children showed me true worship far beyond anything I could offer them.
I thought it might be in establishing relationships with them and nurturing them, but they were in school much of the time we were there.
I thought it might be with the school on the land, helping to organize and plan the curriculum, train the teachers, and gather materials needed…but that required an entire summer – 3 months – away from my husband and children.
And so I have drifted. As I’ve met our new team and seen the excitement on these fresh new faces, those old feelings of insecurity and uncertainty well up. Why am I going? Everyone else seems to KNOW why…they have a purpose, a plan, an idea of what God wants to do, of how God wants to use them. And I don’t.
Or at least, I didn’t…until our team meeting yesterday. At that meeting, we received a bit of training on leading ESL classes, which is one of the things we will be doing on the land. As I listened, those teacher-wheels on my brain started turning…and turning…and soon I had a full-blown locomotive train of thought chugging its way through those mental synapses. For the first time, I began to feel excitement coursing through me. I could hardly sit still as the ideas and strategies began flowing. When the meeting was over, I approached one of our team leaders and practically begged her to let me have a hand in planning the ESL classes. Next thing I knew, I was handed several thick folders containing our curriculum and told to review and read over them for our next meeting in two weeks and start coming up with strategies and ideas for how we will organize the lessons.
So that’s it!! That’s why I’m going!! I get to go to Africa to TEACH!! To teach these precious children English…and the love of God. To use my skills as an educator to reach beyond cultural differences and provide them with skills that will give them opportunities they never dreamed of having. To touch them with words of hope and life…to give them God’s word to hide in their hearts as they are learning English…to show them by words and actions that in Christ we are all one and the same.
As I said earlier, I love it when a plan comes together. Especially when it’s God’s plan…and He lets me be a small part of it.