You know, there are some verses in the Bible that frighten me.
It’s not the ones about the wrath of God, or His mighty arm of justice, or the consequences of sin. I can live with all those.
No, it’s ones like this:
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Or this one:
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. James 1:2-3
And especially this one:
Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. John 15:2
Frankly, verses like that make my stomach a little fluttery. If I really allow those words to penetrate my heart and sink into my mind, I find myself getting a little weak in the knees. Honestly – dare I say it? – these passages scare the hell out of me. (pun intended)
I know it sounds crazy. I know you must think I’m playing a few cards short of a full deck here…I’m a few ants short of a picnic…the lights are on but no one’s home. Whatever. Throw out any cliche’ you want. “Why?” you ask. Why would passages like that strike fear in my heart?
Because those verses represent the moment I surrender all control and open myself to whatever – and I mean WHAT.EV.ER – God wants to do with me. Suddenly my life becomes not so much about me and what I want and what I think is best for me and the choices I want to make, but rather what God wants to do with me, what He thinks is best for me, and the choices He wants me to make. And sometimes, that process is painful. It means I allow God to do what is necessary to shape me and mold me into His image. It means that the road may get bumpy. It means He may choose to test my faith. It means He may allow me to undergo some fiery trials to refine and purify my heart, my thoughts, my actions.
And that’s not often a pleasant process.
So, today was one of those days. I admit, I was a little fearful when Matt went to his oncologist appointment. Certainly, I’m always a little nervous. That’s natural. Though the risk of relapse is small, there’s always that chance that his cancer could come back. It could come back and not be as treatable, as easily cured as it was the first time. It could metastasize and show up differently and be a different kind of cancer…the list goes on and on. Most of the time I can keep it in check just knowing how God healed Matt. But this time things were a little different. With Matt being laid off, I know we’re in a time of testing. We’re in the refiner’s fire. And I was afraid that at this appointment something just might “show up”…to further our testing, to put not just our feet to the fire, but our whole bodies.
That’s what made the good news of Matt’s appointment today so extra-special. No worries. No concerns about how to handle a major illness without health insurance or benefits. No fear over how we’re going to pay for testing and treatment without a steady paycheck. No stress about doctor’s appointments and hospital stays while in the midst of job interviews.
Maybe I need to focus a little more on some other verses. You know, like this one:
And my God will supply all your needs, according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
That one doesn’t seem frightening at all.