Lately it seems like there’s an epidemic of blessing going around. In the past month I’ve heard story after story of one friend after another who’s been promoted, or moved into their dream home, or been healed from serious illness or injury, or gotten that fancy new car, or seen God move and provide in ways they never imagined possible. And that’s great. Honestly, I’m happy for them. I rejoice with them.
But a little piece of my heart still asks, “What about us, God? What about me?”
I’m not jealous. Really, I’m not. I’m happy with my car, I love my house – though if God decided to bless us with an extra $100K to finish the patio, upgrade and complete the landscaping and install a pool, He’d get no complaints from me – I love my family and I love my amazing friends, both those I see in person on a regular basis and those I connect with virtually. When I look at what is really important in life, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I, too, am blessed.
But a little piece of my heart still wonders, “How long, God? How much longer must I wait?”
It’s not a lack of faith, or at least I don’t think it is. I can fully see God’s hand moving the pieces of our circumstances around like a cosmic chess board, playing out His omniscient strategy for the ultimate win. And in that, I’m hopeful. I’m optimistic. I believe that God is ultimately in control, that He knows what He is doing, and that He – and He alone – knows what is best. He has promised to complete the good thing He has begun, and I am confident that no matter how difficult the process, that is exactly what He is doing.
But a little piece of my heart still cries out, “This is hard, God. This hurts!”
It’s not that I’m not willing to wait. I’m not being impatient. In the deepest places within me, I truly want what is best. I desperately desire God to accomplish what He set out. I crave His perfect timing, His perfect plan to be executed, no matter how long that takes. I’m willing to surrender – to His leading, His direction…even His correction when necessary. I’ve gone down that road where I’ve impulsively or impatiently taken control, where I’ve refused to listen to His direct instruction, where I’ve deliberately disobeyed and rebelled against what He’s asked me to do…and missed out on untold blessings because of it. So this time, I’m settling in – gladly, willingly, expectantly – for the long haul.
But still a little piece of my heart still fears, “How far will You take this? How deep are You asking us to go?”
And God reminds me: this isn’t just for me. This trial, this period of testing, this time of waiting and searching and praying and trusting isn’t just to grow *my* faith. God has also begun a good work in Matt and our children, and He has a plan to complete that good work as well. God desires to grow their faith, to deepen their walks with Him, to bring them to new places of faith and understanding and trust. And beyond that, God can use their testimonies to reach their circles of influence. Their lives can become lights and impact others. Their experiences can be used to encourage others and teach them about God’s amazing provision and love. It’s not just about me.
And so, a little piece of my heart now says, “Yes, Lord. I will yield.”
As I lift my hands in surrender, I discover that they are in a perfect position for God to reach down, take hold, and – as the loving Father He is – lead me forward. As I open my hands to yield to Him all that I cling to so tightly, I see that those hands are now open to receiving His blessing…the blessing I know is waiting for me if I endure, if I am faithful, if I trust, if I obey.
And so a little piece of my heart waits. Because I know the blessing is coming.