Hungering and Thirsting

“Whenever you fast, don’t be sad-faced like the hypocrites. For they make their faces unattractive so their fasting is obvious to people. I assure you: They’ve got their reward!  But when you fast, put oil on your head, and wash your face,  so that you don’t show your fasting to people but to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

Well, there goes my reward, because I’m putting this out there for the whole world to see.  Okay, so maybe not the whole world, but certainly all five of my blog readers (who have since quit reading my blog seeing as how I haven’t posted in like TWO MONTHS) and maybe a few of my 600-plus Facebook friends…which pretty much consists of my whole world.

In all seriousness, however, I’m not posting this to brag.  To be honest, my motive is actually a little selfish:  I’m tired and I want to sleep.

But I can’t.  I’ve just had this amazing, incredible experience that’s too big to keep to myself.  My insides are all jazzed up, burning with an excitement and a sense of optimism I haven’t experienced in quite awhile.  I have a passion to share our journey in hopes that maybe it will inspire others to dig in, wade deeper, and experience God in a whole new way.

First, a little backstory.  At the beginning of the year, Matt and I felt we were at a crossroads regarding his job search.  It had dragged on for six months, and we were no closer to finding him full-time employment than when we started.  Our church was beginning a 21-day prayer journey, so we got the study guide and committed to completing it.  Sometime during those three weeks, I began to feel convicted of the need to spend a full day – an honest-to-goodness 24-hour period – in prayer and fasting, specifically over God’s leading in Matt’s job situation.  I shared my conviction with him, hoping he would consider joining me, and that we could work out the logistical details while still balancing parental responsibilities, schedules, and obligations.

Not only did he agree, but he enthusiastically jumped on board.  He wasted no time in finding a “21-Day Fast” Bible reading plan on YouVersion.  We set the timetable to start in late February with our fast coming on three weeks later, on a Thursday-Friday, sundown to sundown.

That three weeks ended this past Thursday, March 17.  So much for my special St. Patty’s Day dinner.  And on Spring Break, too.  Talk about a double whammy.  If there was any time we were going to need God’s strength to get through 24 hours without eating, this would be the time.  Or Thanksgiving, but hopefully we won’t get to that point.

Although we had made our best efforts to keep up with the daily readings, we had fallen nearly a week behind.  The readings had been so good, so rich, so full of meat and so applicable to our situation that we decided to use our missed reading as focus points during our time of prayer and fasting.  We took the time to share with our children what we were doing and why, and though both of them offered to join us, we carefully explained that we only wanted them to do this if they felt God was asking them to.  But we knew they would be watching us, regardless, and that this could be an incredible teaching point for them.

Our fast officially began at 6:30 P.M. on Thursday.  We planned to break the fast at 6:30 P.M. on Friday.  We spent time at strategic points Thursday evening going through the scripture readings and spending unhurried, unrushed time in prayer, seeking God’s face, asking for His leading, and desiring His direction and blessing.  While we didn’t intentionally plan on spending time during the night in prayer, God woke both of us and we were individually able to spend part of that time in personal communication with Him.  While our kids ate breakfast and lunch, we retreated to a private room in the house and used that time to pray together.  We took a mid-afternoon break on Friday to complete another reading and spend time in focused prayer.

In the in-between times, we kept ourselves busy.  We had both committed to fasting not only from food, but also from Facebook, so we filled our time with other things.  Matt worked on the residential project he’s been hired to do.  I attempted a run in the morning, but the weather at 10:30 was already quite hot with full sun and I felt the effects of no protein snack before bedtime and no solid breakfast.  We played games with the kids and took them for their spring haircuts.

Knowing that the last couple hours would be the hardest, we planned a fun family outing to complete our 24 hours.  We loaded up the bikes in my car, got the kids dressed in bathing suits, and drove up to the nearby Villages of Fairview.  For the last 2 hours, we had a great time exploring the area on our bikes, riding around the entire complex, checking out all the trails and enjoying being outside together.  We ended our ride near the fountains, where the kids cooled off in the water and Matt and I completed our final reading and time of prayer.  Sitting on a park bench with the late afternoon sun behind us, shaded by a palm tree and with gentle spring breezes blowing in our faces, we placed ourselves and our future in God’s hands.  We broke our fast with a celebratory family dinner at The Purple Cow and were treated to the light show as we finished our meal.

We didn’t receive the lightning bolt we were hoping for, and quite honestly were expecting.  Our path isn’t quite as clearly lit as we wanted it to be.  We had anticipated that we’d have more of a definitive answer, more of a sense of “this is what you need to do now” after this experience.  But God doesn’t always work in the lightning bolts.  Sometimes, as our final reading pointed out, it’s in the current of a river.  Sure, it’s easy to feel secure when the water is ankle-deep or even knee-deep.  But you start wading in where it’s waist-deep, or even deeper still…and, well, then things get interesting.  Then you begin to lose a sense of control.  Then you may well give in to fear and panic.  Then is when you need faith.

So that was our answer.  Be ready to wade out into the deep water.  Dig further in.  Go deeper still.  Don’t be afraid of the current.  Be willing to let go.  We’ve got a River Guide, and He will see us safely across to the other side.