Archive for April 7th, 2011

Wrestling with God

Our church is currently in a series entitled “Movement to Multiply our Heart.”  As part of that sermon series, we are corporately undergoing a 2-week period of wrestling with God, complete with a period of fasting and seeking God in earnest.  Matt and I have been in that place of wrestling with God for the past several months.   And we’ve just completed a 21-day fast, complete with a true 24-hour fast and intense prayer.  So, to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t particularly eager or necessarily willing to engage in yet another “wrestling with God” experience.  But since we’re committed to our church, we decided to do the study guide together anyway in hopes of perhaps “encountering God” in a new way and seeing how He would speak to us.

It’s no secret that as a result of our personal fast, God has led Matt to open his own firm.   During the course of our 21 day experience, Matt had one particular divine encounter that helped set the stage and truly solidify that this was, truly, the path we were supposed to take.  Today was the day that Matt was scheduled to meet with a real estate developer to discuss a possible business partnership.

Due to busy schedules we weren’t able to read yesterday’s reading, so we doubled up this morning.  The passage on Jacob wrestling with God really spoke to us because that is where we are. I can’t speak for Matt, but I have been in that place since probably November.  There have been days I’ve felt like I’m literally hanging on by my fingernails, clinging desperately to the soles of His feet, grasping the hem of His robe, barely able to hold on, but absolutely certain that the one thing I cannot do is let go.  Literally.  So real that there are days I am physically exhausted from the effort.

And all the while, I’m crying out the only thing I can:  “I WILL NOT let go…Bless this obedience!  Reward this faithfulness!!  Be the God you are!!”  Sometimes it’s in anger.  Other times it’s pure desperation.  Always in faith.  Always believing God CAN and WILL do this.

And in those moments when I’m quiet and still enough to hear, the reply comes:  “My daughter…my precious child…wait.  Wait for the blessing.  It’s coming.”

So then we moved on to today’s reading, Exodus 3.  A passage that is near and dear to Matt’s heart.  As someone who struggles with a speech impediment, he can relate to Moses.  He knows the fear Moses felt inside at being asked to go in front of the most powerful leader of the world to make an outrageous request.  He understands Moses’ hesitation.  Being married to someone who is comfortable speaking in public and is gifted with words, he identifies with Moses’ request to have Aaron go and speak on his behalf.

And as I prayed over Matt today, it hit me.  God descended with His presence in a mighty way at our breakfast table and I was completely overwhelmed at the thought: Just as I AM – Yahweh, Jehovah God – sent Moses and told him ‘I will be with you…I will tell you what to say…I will speak for you”, I AM is still here today.  I AM is sending Matt.  I AM will be with him and give him the words to say and speak for him.  Just go.  Obey.  Follow My call.  My promise is just as true for you as it was for my friend, Moses. I almost couldn’t even speak.  Yet I knew this was part of the blessing we had been waiting for.

Matt has said it often over the past couple weeks.  We’re taking a step of faith that is overwhelming with its scope, frightening with its possibilities, and crazy with its reality.  But more than that, it’s exciting because we know we are sitting smack-dab in the center of God’s will.  I AM has brought us here.  I AM will see us through.

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