Ode to Monday Night Television, Seussian edition

The week of hai-cap has since passed us by,

So now a new format of recap we try.

From our friend RC whose blog now looks sweeter

Came the suggestion of using a Suessian meter!

“Can I do that?” I thought.  “Can I figure it out,

Can I rhyme with enough style so that there’s no doubt

That I am the queen of all recappers?  And what’s more, can I go

On in this meter to recap EVERY show?

I can! And I must!  I will do this with glee,

And  outrhyme, out-meter, OUT-BLOG  ol’ RC!

Even if, even if, EVEN IF he doesn’t  see

The same shows I do on the prime-time TV!”

Our week begins with a plethora of shows,

Which I will now summarize, from opening to close.

Monday Night Football

The Bison were pacing, the herd was agitated,

the fans were waiting, their collective breath baited

To see the return of the one they despised

and watch his team crumble before their very eyes.

For over 59 minutes, those bison kept knocking the mighty cowboys down

And it seemed as if Wade Phillips could be run out of town.

But ho! Into the night stepped an unlikely bloke

in the form of a kicker known simply as “Folk.”

For after the Cowboy’s 2-point conversion fell flat,

He kicked the ball back to them, just like that!

A few plays later, his team called on his name

To kick the ball through so they’d win the game!

And he did!  He did!  He kicked it so hard

and so straight, and so true, that it went every yard

and split those goal posts, without any doubt!

But wait!  The Bills coach had just called “Time Out!”

No kick!  It was dead!  The goal wouldn’t score!

So Folk would have to come do it once more!

Again the teams lined up on opposite sides

of that ball made with pigs on the skin of its hides.

The ‘boys snapped the ball, Folk stepped up again….

The field goal was GOOD!  The Cowboys will WIN!!

The crowd was deflated…the muster was gone!

How could they suffer defeat right there on their lawn!

The injustice!  The humanity!  The way they were treated!

Too bad…The Cowboys remain UNDEFEATED!!!

Dancing with the Stars

The tango…that dance of seduction and tease

The jive…the bouncing and kicking of knees

They both came together to see who would please

Those judges:  would they fail or succeeze?

The women, they came out all flashy and hot

And tangoed with desire to take the top spot,

While the men showed the jive with all the right moves

Though Mark Cuban got all out-synched with his grooves.

He and Wayne ended up with the lowest judge’s score…

I fear it is Mark we will see dance no more.

The ALDS: Indians vs. Yankees

The Tribe entered The Bronx with a 2-0 lead,

But to advance in the playoffs they had to succeed

In winning a game in the House that Ruth built…

With a House full of fans cheering the Yanks on, full-tilt.

The victory seemed shaky, when on Sunday night

The Yanks gave their fans an eve of delight

by crushing that Tribe and making their bats

fall silent, and slow, and defeated, and FLAT.

But now, in the night where nothing’s the same

Came a different pitcher in a different game.

The Indians seized on an early blunder

to score the first run and make the Yankees fans wonder:

Would their team rise out of this hole they were under?

The Indians’ pitchers were mighty and strong,

And kept Yankee batters off-stride all night long.

Down Damon!  Out A-Rod!  Strike three, Mr. Jose!

Whiff Jeter!  Freeze Cano!  They’ll all go away!

As one by one, the outs piled up

The Tribe came closer to that Championship cup.

And then, it was over!  The batter, Posada, the last out of the game,

Recorded a strikeout in the very last frame!

On Columbus Day, the day Columbus sailed the blue sees,

(he wasn’t popular with the natives, the historians agree)

 

The Indians beat the tar out of the mighty Yankees!

 The Bachelor

The ladies, now twelve, all happy, not sad,

Await dates of fun with Hunky-hunk Brad.

A group date to the circus lands Steffi a rose,

Though they all looked like clowns with red balls on their nose!

A day on the sea turns sour for Sheena,

As she watches Brad ride off with Bettina.

Bettina reveals she’s been married before,

And Brad is surprised by her pleasant candor.

But Brad spends some time with Katie instead,

And finally presents her with the rose that is red.

Hillary has the date-of-a-lifetime with Brad:

Chocolate, jewelry, a kiss can’t be bad!

She gets the rose, and now there are nine

Whose thoughts are the same: “That man will be mine!”

So Brad plays a trick, that sly little cad,

By sending in his twin, his brother named Chad.

To see who would recognize, who would instantly see,

That something was different.  Who could this be?

Three women failed.  And so, they said good-byes

To Brad and the others with tears in their eyes

As their dream of becoming the Bachelor’s bride

Whisked away, like they did, at the end of their ride.

Who will stay?  Who will go?  The guess could be any…

But I’m placing my bets on the girl who’s named: Jenni.

That’s it.  I rock!