I was reminded this week of our faith journey of the past year.Â How God used His call of Abram to leave Ur to go to an unknown land to call us out of our church in Plano.Â How we thought we’d completed the task and finished that faith journey when God led us to McKinney Fellowship.
Then we found out that we’d be doing a study on faith this fall.Â And we wondered what God had in store for us this time.Â We fully believed it would have to do with Matt’s job, and we began to prepare emotionally (and financially) for him to quit his job.Â We knew this would be an incredible step of faith…and were convinced this was what God wanted us to do.
Well, sort of.Â I had a nagging, persistent doubt…and an unsettled sense that maybe this wasn’t it at all.Â I tried to shrug it off as a lack of faith…as focusing more on my doubts and fears than on letting God be God.Â In true submission, I expressed my concerns to Matt but offered my support to stand by whatever decision he felt was best for our family.Â And then I prayed…fervently…intensely…that if this wasn’t what God wanted us to do, He would make it perfectly clear.
That very next week, we received the news that Matt has cancer.
God ushered us very quickly into the next phase of our faith journey: that of laying Isaac on the altar of sacrifice.Â A place of total submission to His plan, His will.Â The medical statistics seem to indicate that we will find the proverbial ram in the thicket, that Matt has a great chance of beating this disease and living a long and healthy life.Â I would love nothing more, and I pray that this is God’s will.Â But I also know that like Abraham, I must be willing to let it all go…to raise the knife…to trust that God will provide another way.
I’m grateful…for His promises…for a humble faith that sometimes falters but desperately desires to see God glorified in whatever way He chooses.
And I’m grateful…and humbled…that in a much grander way, God did not spare His own Son…that despite my unworthiness, He loved me and made the choice to sacrifice His beloved child so that I could live and have an eternal hope.
A friend of mine shared this video with me earlier this week, and I was once again awestruck at the love of my God, who reached out to me when I had nothing to offer in return.Â As she said, “We are so blessed to be loved by Him!”Â Amen and Amen.