For some reason, I was particularly excited about Easter this year. Yes, it was my birthday too, but it was more than that. There was a sense of anticipation, of expectancy. God was preparing to do something in my heart that morning.
Worship was great. It was loud and celebratory. We sang and danced and lifted our voices in praise. I shed tears of joy and raised my hands in gratitude. Bruce spoke and brought a message of hope and truth. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, the worship & arts team shared this:
That’s when it hit me. Like JoElla in the drama, I have been living in shades of grey for the past year. Journeying through this dark place over these last twelve months, I have tried to find ways to bring life to the dead places inside. I’ve tried to bring splashes of color into the greyness only to find that it fades far too quickly, leaving the picture more muddled and bland than before. I’ve denied those emotions that seek to lead me astray so often that I was growing numb, had almost forgotten how to feel, was afraid to let any emotion in. And though I knew God was the answer – that only HE could fill those empty spaces, only HE could bring color to my dark and dreary landscape, only HE could bring joy and peace to my weary soul – I couldn’t seem to connect with Him anywhere. My flame was growing cold. My light was growing dim. I desperately wanted to reach out for Him, but He seemed awfully far away.
Until now. All those sleepless nights as I cried out for Him, pleaded with Him to restore me, to heal my broken places, to bring me back to life…all those times He seemed so silent, He was there. He was listening. He was hearing my anxious cries. He was feeling my hurts and sorrows. He was aware of my failings and struggles.
He was waiting.
Waiting until the time was right. Waiting until I was ready. Waiting for a moment when I would know that He was there all along. Waiting for me to yield all control and let go of my selfish pride so that He could take over. Waiting…patiently.
The time has come. I’m no longer hiding in the shadows. I’m no longer afraid to feel. I’m no longer colorless and grey. I’m no longer fearful of my struggles. The tomb is empty. Sin and death are conquered. My Savior lives…and so do I. He came to give LIFE and LIFE ABUNDANT, and I am ready to experience it.