DATELINE: Somewhere in Northwestern Uganda. 10:28 P.M. Village time. That’s 2:28 P.M. CST for those of you keeping score at home.
THE FIRST GOOD-BYE
Today – as we’ve been reminded numerous times on this trip – is Chris’ birthday! It is also the day she and Maddie and Cindy leave for home. We will definitely miss them – they have added a unique dimension to our team. And having the time to spend with Cindy, seeing her in her “element”, hearing her heart as she’s here with “her” kids, having the opportunity to get to know her has been an unexpected blessing. Our campfires at dinner will definitely be quieter with them gone.
But that was only part of the reason today was hard. I spent most of this day in a fierce internal personal struggle because of something that happened after breakfast.  I was confronted – in love – by a team member who felt I had overstepped my bounds and encouraged me to take more of a background role in the worship time with the children. Though I understood her perspective and appreciated her willingness to confront me, I must admit I was deeply wounded. I wanted to be sensitive and not overreact but I was honestly very angry and disappointed. I had a hard time keeping my composure as I prepared the materials for ESL. I realized that what I *thought* I had been called here to do was actually not what God wanted me to do. I quickly spiraled into questioning my very purpose for being here. And after struggling with that very thing on the last trip, I really didn’t want to go down that road again. Unfortunately, I spent a long time in a personal “pity party”, but praying for God to reveal His truth to me in this situation.
So that I could get a grip on my response and process through the emotions that threatened to overwhelm me, I handed off the majority of the day’s activities to someone else. It was at this moment I realized that ESL was not why I was here. As hard as I had worked to prepare lessons and materials, as much time as I had spent researching and gathering supplies…none of it seemed to matter at this point. The focus was on the kids…what was best for them, what would reach them, touch their hearts. It wasn’t about *me* or what *I* thought I was supposed to do. It was bout being obedient, being humble, being yielded and willing to be used by Him. This day became a true turning point for me in many respects.  It was the day I had to give up everything I thought was supposed to be right and true about why I was here…the day I relinquished *MY* dreams and *MY* ambitions and *MY* goals…the day I was brought to absolute humility before God…the day I surrendered all my control to Him and allowed Him to reveal His true purpose to me.
I spent some time in the morning with the teachers. Denis and I spent quite a bit of time going page by page, grade by grade through the curriculum, reviewing objectives and studying the instructional goals. I was able to help him with a number of things he didn’t know or understand. He absorbed all that I was telling him and was so gracious and humble and appreciative. We had to stop to say good bye to Cindy and Maddie and Chris, but planned to resume in the afternoon.
And where there is a good-bye, there’s always time for pictures!
As soon as a camera comes out, they’re ready to ham it up.
See what I mean?
The crowd grows larger…
…until I’m drowning in a sea of my new best friends.
Stella and Susan…my Ugandan daughters.
Don’t we look alike?
Hangin’ with Geoffrey, my personal Acholi tutor.
After we had said good bye, it was time for lunch, so we suspended our activities until the afternoon. We enjoyed some time together as a team. I was still wrestling through my emotions, so I decided to head to one of the classrooms for some “alone” time. I brought along my journal, so I could catch up a bit. Because I process my emotions by writing, it wasn’t long before tears were falling down my cheeks as I dealt with my shame over my reaction, my longing for forgiveness and restoration, and my desperate desire to simply be used in whatever form or fashion that might be. Next thing I knew, my sweet friend Justin walked in on me. I’m sure it was obvious I had been crying, but no words were said. He simply came over and wanted to see what I was writing. I let him look at my journal, but as it is written in cursive he couldn’t read it. So I got out my Acholi notebook and found some of the ESL picture strips and allowed him to be my ASL teacher (Acholi as a Second Language).
It wasn’t long before a few more wandered in…and got a hold of my camera, which is how I ended up with pictures like this:
And yes, these pictures are unedited, oriented just the way Norman and Norbert took them. Silly boys.
I finally showed them how to hold the camera and ended up with pictures like this:
But with a little practice, they finally got it right:
And ended up capturing some very special moments I shared with just a few precious children…moments I’m grateful to have had…moments I probably didn’t deserve…moments I loved having all to myself.
When the afternoon session resumed, I went back to meet with the teachers. Denis and I finished up our discussion fairly quickly, and then I had the privilege to just “hang out” in the staff room with all the teachers as well as Pastor David. I felt right at home, in the “teacher’s lounge”, solving the world’s problems over examination papers and curriculum guides. We discussed everything from American History to the Ugandan political system to America’s “national preachers.” I really didn’t want our time to end, but I knew at one point I had to let them get back to their work, so as the afternoon session closed up, I left them to their duties, knowing we had formed a lasting and deep friendship.
I saw that Jon had gotten out the hackysacks he had brought, and Careenna was rounding up another group of kids to play some sort of game. Knowing that games was more of Careenna’s area of ministry, I didn’t want to overstep or be seen as taking control, so very cautiously I suggested a game of “Red Rover.” Careenna immediately took to that game and she and Amy led it. Soon, the majority of the children were involved in playing this game. Even all the older boys and girls joined in!! Careenna ended up being the “treasured prize” during the game, causing great cheers any time she was able to switch lines. The children loved the game so much that we played it for a couple of hours…until we realized we had gone way past chore time and it was nearly dinner time!
Because we had played the game for so long (nearly 2 hours) dinner was practically ready for us so we quickly said good bye to the children and cleaned up for dinner. After dinner, we went down for worship where Denis taught a new song in preparation for the closing ceremonies of the school tomorrow. They practiced several times, using each of our names in their song. Once they were sure they had learned the song, they had a time of worship, which was particularly sweet since it was our last one together.
I realize this was only the first good-bye…the next two are going to be even harder. For now, though, I will cherish the moments we have, knowing that God has allowed us to have this precious time together.