Dear Debily: An Advice Column

A friend of mine recently asked me for some advice.  I know!  ME!  Advice!  Whodathunkit?

Anyhoo, her boss was recently diagnosed with lymphoma and I guess with my husband having cancer and all she figured I might be qualified to answer the question of how to best help show support and care during this time.  And then I started thinking, which can be a dangerous thing…but I digress.  I started thinking that it might be helpful to share this list here – not so much for us, but to be a springboard for others who might need help.

With all that being said, I give to you my list of “Top 10 Ways People Have Helped Us During Matt’s Treatments”:

1. One neighbor gave us a chemo blanket to take to treatments (the rooms can be cold and the drugs can make you feel cold as they are infused) These are also handy to have at home while recuperating in between treatments.  A pair of warm fuzzy socks with grippers on the soles (like the ones I threw away from his hospital stay in October) would also be nice.
2. Chemo hats (or for a woman, a pretty head scarf).  You can find these online or at a scrub shop.  I bought two custom hats off ebay for about $10 each (including shipping) and one at a local scrub shop for $13.  It was an A&M one, so it was worth the extra price!
3. One of Matt’s coworkers had wristbands made in his honor.  This can be expensive, so an alternative would be just to get some plain ones in the awareness color for that specific type of cancer.  We were especially touched that they made enough for him to distribute to family and friends in various sizes.  I don’t know what the cost is/was, but I can’t tell you what it has meant to me when I go to Bible study and see purple wristbands being worn by friends around the table…or when we go to school and the teachers and friends are wearing the wristbands.  To know that we have family and friends around the country wearing them is priceless to us.
4. Gift cards to restaurants/fast food places.  Though the person undergoing treatment may not use them, this is a great way to keep the family fed.
5. iTunes gift cards so they can download music to listen to (if they have an ipod or shuffle or mp-3 device that they like to listen to) during treatments.
6. Silly things that will help keep a sense of humor…joke books, humorous calendars, funny movies, etc.  Our life group gave Matt a chemo care package in a Superman bag, complete with detachable cape.  He wore it to one of his treatments.  Cancer is so scary and serious and the rooms are so sterile that keeping a positive outlook and a sense of humor can go a long way toward healing.  And knowing that Christians can have fun and a sense of humor is a powerful witness, too. 😉
7. Make sure they’re not alone.  Go to treatment with them if no family is available.  If possible (and check with them first to see if it’s allowed or if they’re even interested), have someone bring lunch to them during a treatment.  Or have someone offer to take them home if they don’t have family in town to help.  Matt’s sister brings us lunch every time he has a treatment.  I can’t tell you how wonderful it is not to have to eat hospital food (or vending-machine food) as our meal.
8. Provide a meal post-treatment.  Knowing we have a hot dinner ready for us after a long day of treatment makes a hard day more bearable.  Sitting in a small, windowless, drab hospital room for several hours is emotionally and mentally exhausting.  We have neighbors who are providing meals on a rotating basis for us, and we’ve had friends who just drop by with a meal “just because”…and I don’t know that they will ever know how much that helps.
9. Help with yardwork or projects around the house.  We’ve been fortunate in that Matt has been well enough during his treatment weeks to do little odds and ends around the house.  For those who don’t tolerate treatment as well, or who have more aggressive treatments, knowing that things are being taken care of would allow them to focus on getting well.
10. Drop them a line.  It’s so rare to get things in the mail any more…we live in a technological age where email, im and text messages are the way we communicate.  But getting a little note in the mail is special.  We have one friend in particular who sends us her handmade cards with little notes every so often, and those cards just brighten our day and make us smile.

We have been truly blessed with a wonderful support network who have given freely of themselves to help us get through this rough patch.  We’re on the downward slope of this mountain, and I believe we will be back on level ground soon.  But until then, we are grateful for those who are journeying with us…who have encouraged us and helped us in so many ways.  Hopefully these ideas can be a springboard of practical ways to help others going through a similar situation.