This week we revert to Words of Affirmation, which was supposed to be last week. D’oh!
The authors of the book, The 5 Love Languages of Children, outlined 4 different categories that words of affirmation can be grouped into: words of endearment/affection, words of praise, words of encouragement, and words of guidance. Words of endearment are the “I love you’s” we give to our children and the pet names that we use to show our affection (e.g., honey, sweetie, etc.). These words are given without condition: “I love you just because.” Words of praise are words that we gived based on an accomplishment or an action that our children have done: “You were a great helper in cleaning up the playroom today.” “I’m proud of how hard you worked on your science project.” Words of encouragement are words we use to instill courage, to prod our children through a difficult task or learning process: “I know you’re going to play well at your piano recital because you’ve practiced so hard.” Words of guidance are words we use to help our children make right choices and develop their ability to think critically: “We choose not to do illegal drugs because those drugs have negative effects on our bodies.”
When we think about all the different ways that our words can communicate love and affirmation to our children, it makes us realize the importance of choosing our words wisely. I’m sure not perfect on this one…but I’d like to think that I do some things right. There are times when I’ve said things I regret. There are times when I don’t choose my words patiently, or I speak in anger, or I say things I know I shouldn’t. God, help me to be the parent I need to be!
And thankfully, He does. It’s a work in progress, never finished but hopefully always improving. God’s grace is limitless, and there are days I cling to that promise with all my might! I used an analogy last week to describe God’s grace – I know God gave me this image, because it’s been one I come back to over and over to comfort me when I’ve fallen – and I think it’s appropriate to share now.
Imagine a candle mold – for taper candles, the old-fashioned kind. A long, narrow wooden board with holes drilled at certain intervals for the candles. That board represents my child’s heart. Those holes are the unkind words, the short-tempered responses, the impatient orders I’ve barked at my children…times when I have not poured myself into them like I should have. But God’s grace is the wax, and as it’s poured out over my children’s hearts, that wax finds its way into those holes, filling them, completely, to overflowing. (Now the analogy loses it’s power at this point, so I’ll stop here) That hot wax has the capability to fill every nook and cranny, to mold itself to exactly the shape and size of those holes, so that there are no gaps, no empty spaces, no pieces missing. Praise God that His grace is able to “cover a multitude of sins.”
May that grace continue to cover my children’s hearts…to keep them soft and tender…to keep them from falling away and becoming bitter. And may I learn to be the kind of parent whose words keep those holes from forming in the first place.
what, I thought words of scorn and ridicule were part of this lesson. You must be using an older revision. 😉
Thanks for the categorization… I do find me using some of these, though probably not near enough to be an oil to my children’s lamp. Thankfully in their life they have plenty of receptacles that provide oil in our friends, family and church and teachers.
Sometimes it isn’t enough just to hear our words of affirmation, but it comes from all directions, I think increasingly so as my tweens become teens.
Peace out.
“We choose not to do illegal drugs because those drugs have negative effects on our bodies.â€
Was that said by Dr. Spock or Mr. Spock?
Yeah, I think the words of scorn and ridicule were part of the companion series, “The OTHER Love Languages: How to Keep the FUN in Dysfunctional”
I agree with your thoughts, though…and the main audience of this class has been MDO teachers. Good on one point, but a little sad that more parents aren’t taking advantage of the class. Most of the MDO teachers, though parents, are empty nesters and their role as parents has changed. However, trying to make this material applicable to all caregivers, whether primary or secondary, has been an interesting challenge.
I think that’s one reason why it’s so important to pray for our children’s teachers, particularly in the public school.