Threads of Gratitude: Now a tapestry

I have a confession to make.  I was secretly dreading my womens’ Bible study this fall.

There were many reasons for this, and some of them were actually legitimate.  I wanted to be in a group of my peers, women of my age and life stage, and most of them were attending on Wednesdays.  After a full year of Beth Moore studies, I wanted to do something different, something from a different perspective and a different format, but this was the only course offered on Thursday mornings.  So I tried to focus on the positive and accept that I had much to learn from the older women – and this would give me the opportunity to get to know some of them – and that God had something to teach me through this particular study.

Today, I humbly accept that God’s plan is far greater than mine.  That His vision sees beyond the immediate to something much bigger, much grander, much more awesome than my limited scope can comprehend.  In my heart, I fall to my knees and raise my hands with adoration and gratitude to my awesome God, for what He intended for me.

The study we’re doing?  “Living Beyond Yourself” by Beth Moore.  It’s a study of the Fruit of the Spirit.  Even though I didn’t know how much I would need this, God did.  And the journey has been incredible so far.  These are the nuggets of truth I’ve been gleaning throughout the past 6 weeks:

“My seasonal circumstances are often beyond me.  My unrelenting daily demands are beyond me…We are called to exclamation mark living!” (September 11 – Matt’s birthday)

God, I’m grateful that in that introductory session You gave me the foundation of knowing that nothing – not my current circumstances, not my daily demands, NOTHING – is beyond You.  I’m grateful for knowing that in the midst of this difficult time, through the power of Your Spirit, I can do things I couldn’t, feel things I didn’t, and know things I wouldn’t.  I’m grateful for Your assurance.

“Abba is a term of extreme endearment expressed by a young child to his beloved father, his hero, the one who kisses his scraped knee and dries his fresh tears.   Abba would be the word used only for a parent who was familiar, available, trustworthy, and comforting.  Literally it is ‘Daddy, my Daddy.'” (September 18 – anniversary of Dad’s heart attack)

God, I’m grateful that on that day, you gave me a reminder of what a loving Father you are…how you care for my hurts, my fears, my sorrows.  I’m grateful that I can curl up in Your arms and rest secure in Your strong presence, that I can cry on Your shoulder, that I can press myself deep into You in the midst of a storm and know that you will protect me.

“One of the best possible terms to illustrate how the Holy Spirit works within us is resonance: ‘to oscillate with the same frequency as the source.'” (September 25 – the initial diagnosis of lymphoma)

God, I’m grateful that you are Emmanuel…God with us.  You don’t just exist…You’re here with me.  Beside me.  Before me.  Around me.  Within me.  I’m grateful that because You are with me, I don’t have to be afraid.  I’m grateful that because you are beside me, I am never alone.  I’m grateful that because You are before me, I don’t have to fear what lies ahead.  I’m grateful that because You are within me, I have Your strength and courage to live and face each challenge with confidence.

“[Love]…always hopes, which means ‘to expect with desire.’…always perseveres…which means ‘to remain under’.  In common terminology, [love] ‘hangs in there‘…never fails.  [Love] is never without effect.  [Love] is never in vain!” (October 2 -the week of our initial oncology consultation)

God, today I’m grateful for those who have shown agape to our family.  For those who have expressed hope to us…who are persevering with us…and who have given without expecting a return.  I’m grateful for friends who pray, for those who encourage, for those who meet practical needs.

“Ruth, who chose to remain with Naomi, had no idea about the future.  She simply knew they must be together.  As we remain in Christ, our attitudes and determinations must be similar to Ruth’s.  To remain in Christ means to cling to Him, to refuse to be budged under pressure, to never allow loss to cause us to leave.” (October 9 – the day of Matt’s CT/PT scan and the day before his surgical biopsy)

God, today I am grateful for Your joy.  For giving me the ability to face our uncertain future with humor.  I’m grateful for friends who bring cheer and laughter into each day.  I’m grateful that I can cling to You and experience joy in the midst of dark and troubling news.

“Peace comes with authority, not with answers!”  (October 16 – the day we are supposed to receive pathology reports)

God, today I am grateful for Your peace.  For granting us both the peace that defies all human understanding.  For being our port in the midst of this storm.  For being our rock in the midst of shifting and changing sands.  I’m grateful that every time we receive new information about Matt’s condition, You supply us with a fresh dose of peace and calm.

As I begin the next lesson – on patience, no less – I can see God’s hand in all this.  Each week, God has provided those truths I most needed specifically to face the challenges that lay before me.  Each week, God’s word has touched exactly the parts of my heart and mind that needed it the most.

For all these things – and so many more – I am grateful.